True Titles

50 Hilariously Honest New Titles For Your Favourite Books

https://www.theonlinepencompany.com/blog/50-hilariously-honest-new-titles-for-your-favourite-books/

“Have you ever picked up a book after reading the title and thought that sounds interesting, only to read the story and think that title really doesn’t do the book justice? We decided to take a brutally honest look at the most popular books, and as a result we’ve changed their original titles to reflect what the essence of the story is about.

We have created 50 hilariously honest alternate titles for some of your favourite books.”

So go to the site and see if you can guess the actual titles. (Oh, yeah, and be sure to look at the penguin image on each cover.)

My favorites:

The Judge Did It  (And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie)

Clowns Are Scary  (It – Stephen King)

Creepy Person Bites People, Makes More Creepy People  (Dracula – Bram Stoker)

All The Best Characters Die  (Game of Thrones – George R.R. Martin)

Alice Experiments With Drugs  (Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Caroll)

Sugar Induced Hallucination  (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl)

What Happens When You Leave the Planning to Dwarves  (The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien)

2017  (1984 – George Orwell)

Pretend You Have Read This Book to Impress Your Friends  (War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy)

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Freelance Book Polishing

RAELENE GORLINSKY:  FREELANCE EDITING
RaeleneEditor@gmail.com

I’m an excellent and experienced editor and love helping authors make their books the best possible. I’m very well-read—books are my heart and soul.

Editorial Services: Developmental/content editing, copy editing, proofreading, file formatting, story evaluation, series bibles, fact checking and research.

  • I have a great deal of experience in most fiction genres. I specialize in fantasy, urban fantasy, romance, cozy mysteries, paranormal, European/British historicals.
  • I read and enjoy middle-grade stories and edit them. I love children’s picture books, but there aren’t many words in them to edit. J I do YA fantasy and adventure (but not so much YA angst or real-life unpleasantness. Being a real teenager is painful, and painful to read about.)
  • I edit most types of non-fiction, including memoirs. I do not do politics, religion, war or true crime.

I am an advisor and partner to the author and help turn the manuscript into a polished gem. My editing philosophy is  (1) Represent the reader,  (2) The editor is not the writer [explain if something doesn’t work and offer suggestions, but don’t rewrite the author’s prose], and (3) If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it [respect the author’s style].

See my blog page for more information and rates:  https://pubparlor.wordpress.com/freelance-book-polishing/

Some books I have edited:  https://www.pinterest.com/raelenegorlinsk/polishing-the-gems/

Raelene

Aah, Aquarium

I’d been thinking about having an aquarium in my home office, I find them stress-reducing. But not in the budget. Then I started going through stuff, planning a yard sale for next spring. And lo and behold, there was the 10-gallon tank, complete with filter and heater, that hasn’t been used since we moved 13 years ago. So yes, it still cost a small bit to buy fish and fish food and various stuff, but much less than buying the equipment itself. I already had the rocks and plants. Colorful inexpensive small fishies and a few snails. I really want more snails.

aquarium10a

aquarium10b

And then, the smaller plastic (not as nice as but much cheaper than glass) tank was 75% off at Petsmart. So now three angelfish inhabit that, along with some porcelain fish I had packed away.

aquarium5a

aquarium5b

Ah, relaxation.

Permanent Remembrance

corgi tattoo

I got my first tattoo several years ago, for my 54th birthday in November–a colorful peacock feather. Then a month after that, a second one for Christmas–a rose and rosebuds. One on each forearm. Then a year or two later a third on my calf, a fancy initial R for my name.  I kept saying I was going to get tattoos for all my beloved Corgis that have passed on, perhaps in a row down my leg — but then realized that if I lived long enough and had all the dogs I want, I could run out of skin.

So I decided on one tattoo to immortalize all my darlings. I used a simplified version of my Chivalry Corgis logo, and added the words “Forever in My Heart”. Of course, it is over my heart.

Backyard Birding

darkeyedjunco               downywoodpecker

I’m not a “birder”—I don’t keep track of what birds I see, and in fact can’t recognize most birds without referring to the reference books with pictures. But I very much enjoy watching, and have a bunch of bird feeders in my backyard, where I can see them from the kitchen.

The finches and starlings stay all year. In winter, they live in the 12-foot-high fir hedges next door, and come to my yard to eat. The finches love laundry days—they gather in the holly bush in front of the dryer vent to enjoy the warm air blowing out.

It’s exciting in the spring when we see what birds come back. We haven’t seen the mourning dove pair in two years, so perhaps they are gone. But the cardinal pair and blue jay pair are both here again. We also get crows and the passing hawks perching on the fence and garage roof, and once a female eagle landed in the grass. And this year two new species at the feeders: a downy woodpecker pair (I could identify the male and female) and dark-eyed junco.

My son swears we have the fattest birds in the neighborhood, that I spend more on bird food than people food. (Well, not really, but close.)

bluejay               cardinal

National Women’s History Month

March is Women’s History Month, for the study, observance and celebration of the vital role of women in American history. Do you know these ground-breaking women in history? No fair looking at the answers until you’ve tried all 15 clues!

1. First woman to fly the Atlantic as a passenger, 1928.

2. Won gold  medals in javelin and hurdles in the 1932 Olympics, later played basketball, baseball golf, winning three U.S. Women’s Open tournaments.

3. First woman to swim the English Channel, 1926.

4. Won seven U.S. Opens and eight Wimbledons, starting in 1923 at age 18.

5. First female state governor who was not the wife of a prior incumbent, 1974. (Her husband was a school principal.)

6. First woman on the Supreme Court, 1981.

7. First black woman Senator.

8. First female vice-president candidate for a major party.

9. First female cabinet member: Secretary of Labor, 1933.

10. First U.S. congresswoman, 1916.

11. First black U.S. congresswoman, 1968.

12. Opened first U.S. birth control clinic (in Brooklyn).

13. Quit her teaching job because a woman’s pay for the job was 20% of a man’s. Became first U.S.-born woman on an American coin.

14. Fled slavery in 1849, then helped other slaves escape; spied for the Union in the Civil War.

15. Survived polio and an impoverished childhood to become the first American woman to win three gold medals at one Olympic Games, 1960.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Amelia Earhart

2. Babe Didrickson

3. Gertrude Ederle

4. Helen Wills

5. Ella Grasso

6. Sandra Day O’Connor

7. Carol Moseley Braun

8. Geraldine Ferraro

9. Frances Perkins

10. Jeannette Rankin

11. Shirley Chisholm

12. Margaret Sanger

13. Susan B. Anthony

14. Harriet Tubman

15. Wilma Rudolph