Query Letter Hell

Another query letter that gave me, as an editor, a terrible headache. I can’t understand anything this supposed author is trying to convey. (Spelling is his.)

Dear Recipients:

I am completing a very serious novel in the genres of Horror-Erotica including a sophisticated research text base and idealism to the social reader enthusiast. I have various private learnings in the intricacies of the designated craft and am professionally focused toward the manuscript’s receiving serious considerations to its overall compilation, and publish.

I am very confident that the work I have constructed has became a unique and sight provoking social contemporary manuscript candidate for effective publish, in those genre.

A very substantial storyline and livid characterization.

Written into the social political stream it reflects views I have, or once have had, from personal thinking and absorbsion that I have kept, of the things that are changing my life. Things that affect multivariously the American social reserve think, the activity and behavior of the common woman and man into mind.

Written strictly orthodox to address matters into a same-stream currentcy and retroflexive intrest where and what they occur to me, I have studied progressive specific social reserve since a child and have had minor troubles with the law which gave me another opportunity in it to pursue progressive socialism by the observed effects of investigative incarceration prospecting into the as well identifications of body. ‘A place to retrieve the more ritcher, views into the effect’, while though not as the incarcerate methologist or dependantcy. I am skilled in organized orthodox research and prove an extremely capable and reliable outside opinionate, in designate topical addressing for exposure, of any aspect into the designate partitions in concerning collective thought.

I write about somethings and ways we could have utilized their prospectivities for pivoting direction we reserve and through this. Also for itself, and I publish for the exposure, contrition, and attrition. A very substancial asset.

To the editors and definitions of social service.

Honestly, can you make heads or tails out of that?

He signs himself a “social reserve progressive writer”. Notice he says nothing about the story except that he labels it horror-erotica. Well, the letter is certainly horrifying, although not erotic.

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3 thoughts on “Query Letter Hell

  1. Funny! Reminds me of the stuff that the editor (or agent, I don’t remember what his job was) who ran slushpilehell on Tumblr used to post.

    Like

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