I’m being told I should post some “editing or publishing type stuff”. So — I’ve been collecting awful (and awfully amusing) query letters for some years. You can learn from these — as in, how not to write. But mainly it’s for your entertainment.
This is exactly as received several years ago. I have not corrected or altered it (nothing I could do could make it less awful). Obviously the sender’s name is removed; I’m not out to personally embarrass a person. I do have to say this is the most creative term of address I’ve ever received, more interesting than Dear Madam or Dear Editor.
dear future associativepartner
I”AM A WRITTER OF ADULT STORIES AND I”AM LOOKING TO SELL IF THE PRICE IS
RIGHT! NOW I”AM NO PROFESSIONAL AND THIS IS MY FIRST BOOK. PE PLEASE REFER ME
TO A PRICE RANGE FOR ABOUT A HUNDRED PAGES? AS YOU MAY RELIZE THAT I”AM
INCARSERATED AND THIS IS SORT OF A HOBBY FOR ME TO BE HONEST THERE ARE A LOT OF SPELLING MISTAKES AS WELLAS TYPING ERRORS SO PLEASE OVERLOOK THESE ERRORS
AND GET TO THE JUICEY CREATIVNESS THAT I”VE NARRATED BEFORE YOUR EYE”S!
CONTACT ME WITH PRICE RANGE AT THE ABOVE ADRESS
THANK_YOU FOR YOUR TIME &ATTENTION
P.S. I HAVN”T COPYWRITTED ANY OF MY PAGES SO I UNDERSTAND IT YOURS ONCE I
SELL IT TO YOU GUY”S AND CAN”T TAKE CRIDT FOR ANY OF IT
I am eternally grateful that there was no sample or actual submission with this letter, so I did not have to view the “juicey creativeness”. For which I would apparently have to pay a flat fee per page.